Testing Boundaries

So my senior year in college I was shifting through ideas on what I wanted to do next. I knew I wanted to move out of Arkansas, but where, was the question. I remember going to work with my godfather and having a mental break down. I had never cried in front of him, but that day I couldn't hold it in any longer. He calmed me down and told me that it was okay if I didn't know what I wanted to do at the moment. I was able to have a real heart to heart conversation with him which calmed me down but I was still worried. I didn't want to graduate and go right back to moms house, I wanted to have my life in order, I wanted to be looked as a success story, I wanted to have the great job and all. I wanted wanted wanted, but had no clue on how to get it or what it was that I wanted to get. That year I was just a mess that I disguised and dressed up like I had everything in control.

In truth, I wanted to leave Arkansas to explore other places but there was another reason. I was escaping from a traumatic experience, that I tried not to think about ( I'll probably talk about this later down the line). That breakdown that I had in front of my god father, was something I really needed, to help release all of that pint up emotion. Afterwards I was able to clear my mind to be able to have a talk with God. In that talk of clarity, my motto that I hold dear til this day, was born. Live In Faith Everyday, L.I.F.E. When I would feel myself getting to worked up, I would repeat my personal motto, It was my way in centering myself whenever and wherever I was.

Fast forward, I decided to go to New Orleans for Spring Break 2011 and I absolutely enjoyed myself so much that I decided to move there. Also during Spring Break, I was shocked when I saw people still trying to recover from Hurricane Katrina. I was sadden and angry on how the rest of the world and myself included went on about our lives. We let the media control our humanity on what and when to feel certain emotions. That was really an eye opener for me and an educational experience.

Once I got home, I started to search different organizations I could join, that would help me to leave Arkansas. During the process I was offered a job to start a dance program for the elderly. I loved the idea so much that I wrote out my mission, lesson plans, and researched dance movements that were safe for the elderly crowd. It was one of the things I wanted to do, but I decided against it, because I really needed to escape, run away (I really didn't know I was trying to escape until I did a self evaluation/self healing years later). Well for the hundredth time trying to do my Peace Corps application, I clicked a link to City Year and I applied to Louisiana. Once I submitted my application I felt a large amount of weight lifted. I turned down the dance program offer and began preparing myself for the journey after college. I didn't know what I was going to do after City Year, but I was glad that I had a start. I graduated in May and headed to Baton Rouge, LA in July. Leaving was the best thing for me at that moment and it made me grow up mentally and spiritually.

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